If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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