I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
