You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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