i would punch a child for taco bell
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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