The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
