she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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