I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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