And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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