She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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