I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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