Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
