we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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