Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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