When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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