They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
