You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
