therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
