he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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