Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
