new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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