At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
