He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
