Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
