I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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