Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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