If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
