You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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