..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Randomize
