dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
