The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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