I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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