I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
