Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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