Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
