We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Found your dick twin last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
