Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
