I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
