Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
