At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
