Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize