My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
