you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
