Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize