we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
