I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I supernannyed him into submission
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
