we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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