so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
