he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
