Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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