Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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