im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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