areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
