WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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