I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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