I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
