you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
