Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
handjob tips. give me some.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
