Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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