Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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