Umm I'm too high to move.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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