I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
