Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
