Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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