He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How's work?
Spinning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize