I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
