she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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