i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
