dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
