New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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