this just has baby written all over it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
